3/9/2008
In March 2005 I wrote 8 Posts, with subjects ranging from Memory Loss, Quotes, Photography, Talents, Easter Preparation, A Favourite Song a Design Change and my love of Principles.
One of these posts generated quite a stir in the comments. Which I edited at the time. The controversy was over our photo selection of Joshua’s aggressive Tiger Face. Three years later we think a different photo would be better as well. I really enjoyed reading the Easter article as well. Brett also submitted a great quote from Theodore Roosevelt that would have been riveting to hear the first time.
I feel like most of these posts could still be posts from this month of March, though that certainly doesn’t make them timeless!
2/12/2008
Ever have one of those moments where you became painfully aware that a trait you disliked in someone else is exactly the same trait you have? It seems to just flip the tables of your understanding and blindside you. For one, it shows a total lack of awareness and how off base your judgement can be in regards to yourself. The other feeling that seems to come is one of understanding and then a little bit of self-loathing and a desire for forgiveness too. Why is it so easy to see the fault of another? Jesus’ analogy of the mote and beam take on a new meaning. You might be able to still see a sliver in someone as you look past that beam in front of your own face but become so used to that beam that it just becomes part of the picture like the rims of your glasses. Guess I need my eyes checked again, literally and figuratively.
10/21/2007
If you read my previous two posts you might also agree: It takes effort and attention to live a life of influence and greatness. In recognition of this, I think the number one thing I would do more of is frequent planning. Daily planning that connects me to my core goals and allows for the tasks of the day. Weekly planning with my wife that directs our family. This isn’t new but for whatever reason it seems easy to both say this, start planning and even easier to stop shortly after.
No longer.
9/29/2007
When we started the process of moving to Lethbridge I started to muse about the idea of what could be different about our family and myself and coined the terms “The Lethbridge Muirheads” and “Lethbridge Nathan.” Almost like an alter-ego for change. In my head I use sentences like, “The Lethbridge Nathan loves to work out and lead his family in righteousness,” or “The Lethbridge Muirheads teach each other gospel principles through family home evening, scriptures and everyday conversations.” Or the Lethbridge Nathan doesn’t mind the wind. I like this way of thinking because it disregards any sense of past failure and simply affirms a positive desire. So I’m going to keep using it.
I can already sense I am so going to be teased about this.
That’s okay, the Lethbridge Nathan doesn’t mind a good ironic ribbing now and then.
10/28/2006
I have a thing about clutter. If there is clutter I often feel like I cannot do anything else but organize. Occasionally I can bury this neurosis and relax, but usually I choose not to relax until I restore some order to my surroundings. I’ve made some headway these past few weeks and feel like I can finally think again. I was leafing through my missionary day planner this week, a 7-habits weekly planner I bought in 1998, and came across some notes from a meeting with Elder Richard G. Scott. It was a wonderful day. One thing he said struck me again today, “A lack of pondering hinders the ability of tremendous growth.” I’ve felt lately a little awash lately. I’ve certainly been doing a lot of thinking but of late it has felt confined to the immediate, the ho-hum or pressing stresses of life. My return to blogging signifies a little bit more pondering time, a more organized household and a strong yearning to have meaningful progress in our home. We have had some trial in our life lately shrink-wrapped around a lot of change. It’s time to take stock of where we are headed and how the trials and change has influenced everyone in our home. Just writing about it brings a measure of peace.
8/7/2005
Every once and awhile do you find yourself saying horrible things? Can a stranger raise your ire? This weekend I was rude to someone and I’ve since repented, though I still need to apologize to the old lady. Yes I said old lady.
I think we are all familiar with the person in our neighbourhood who constantly monitors peoples actions and is bold enough and bored enough to ensure they know what’s what. We have at least 3 of these in my townhouse complex. I call them the playground nazis. If someone over a certain age, say sits on a piece of playground equipment these women come out of their houses to make sure they get off or at least told off. The youth get a hard time in particular. Weekly revisions to the playground rules are distributed to each household. My encounter wasn’t over this issue but gives some context to the brash tongue your about to read unleashed. I’ve had one of these ladies tell me I could be on the equipment with my kids as long as I didn’t go on the slide. What? Are you insane? So I can get on the playground in any fashion but I just can’t get down the easiest way. I can’t play with my children? The space I take up on the playground must be confined to arches and bars (their are no steps)? Have you ever managed 2 toddlers in an open play area?
Anyways, Joshua, Brigs and I were walking peacefully around our complex—and quietly (surprising actually). The complex has walkways going adjacent to everyone’s backyards. I say backyards but there is no fence separating these open spaces. We have family housing and a small senior set of housing. As we were walking down one of these public walkways a lady steps out of her backdoor and says “You can’t be walking back here.”
To which I said, “I’ll walk wherever I please thankyou.”
Her cantankerous reply “Oh know you won’t, we live here.”
“I live here too.”
I can’t remember what she said next but my next mature reply was along the lines of “Why don’t you come out here and make me.” She said something about looking into making sure I never came through here and then gave a real cold stare, the kind only a woman can give. My kids weren’t inclined to leave just yet so in response to this stare I said, “I don’t understand what the problem is? You don’t like people walking by on the sidewalk? If it’s such a problem why don’t you close your eyes?”
That ended the conflict, but started the internal one I’d feel a few minutes later. I’ve since prayed about the matter and sought forgiveness, but now I’ll have to swallow my pride and apologize for my treatment of this woman. This is one of those situations where I still disagree over the matter but I also disagree with how I handled it—which is extremely poorly. I’ll update you on my future apology. I’m determined to keep my tongue in better check, and handle things with some class. I’m still in shock with myself. Just remember, there is still good in me.
5/15/2005
I love wisdom and good counsel. Lately, I’m drawn to it like my mother is to fabric. Like this quote by Adlai Stevenson (U.S. presidential Candidate 52′, 56′), put into context by Elder Dallin H. Oaks :
“‘What we need are not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the steady and tranquil dedication of a lifetime.’ This steady, tranquil dedication, when translated into gospel living, means living the gospel by becoming a 100-percent Latter-day Saint 100 percent of the time”
So often, it seems, our attention is drawn to outbursts of improvement. In a world replete with revolving-door success stories and instant everything it’s all to easy to be drawn to ‘easy’. I love this quote, and I want to live a life that stands as a testimony of steady tranquil dedication. My greatest heroes and admirations have this quality, and it’s the kind of thing I’d like whispered in the hallways of my funeral.
My attraction to this type of a life parallels my worship of God. Best expressed by Joseph Smith:
It is equally as necessary that men should have the idea that he is a God who changes not, in order to have faith in him, as it is to have the idea that he is gracious and long-suffering; for without the idea of unchangeableness in the character of the Deity, doubt would take the place of faith. But with the idea that he changes not, faith lays hold upon the excellencies in his character with unshaken confidence, believing he is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and that his course is one eternal round.
(emphasis added)
4/17/2005
I’ve been trained in critical thinking in a variety of ways-schooling, teaching, employment, etc. I also have a tendency to dish out criticism. I try to give positive feedback as well, or make it constructive and not demeaning; depending on who you are I might lighten up the tone or just deliver it straight up. Sometimes I’m extra nice about it but probably never as nice as some would like me to be. I’m sure a few of you are having some flashbacks and probably mostly of times when I was less than delicate in my opinions. All too often in the interest of time (or when I have no sense of patience or tact) I just cut to the chase and deliver my criticism with brevity and force.
I love and hate this quality that I have developed. I like being able to think about things from multiple angles attempting to consider several viewpoints while forming opinions and decisions. But I hate when I can’t/don’t keep my mouth shut, and hurt someone’s feelings. Of course I can keep my mouth shut, but sometimes I let feelings of concern, injustice, frustration, or incredulity overpower tolerance, restraint and wisdom.
I know that there are moments when something should and must be said, or just moments where another viewpoint is helpful. I also know that some people just can’t handle criticism—in any form. Those of us in the outspoken critical camp like to pacify our worries by saying “we’re right” but I often wonder if being right is reason enough to speak.
Of course I realize that the one word answer to this is: depends.
Most of all I wish I had the ability and patience to read people and offer up criticism they would be thankful for. Two thoughts come to mind:
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care
and
If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all
A long time ago I read something to the effect that one of the greatest ways to improve your character would be to ask those closest to you to write you up a list of character traits, habits etc. that you needed to work on or improve. The idea being that we all have blindspots or perceptions we can’t see and sometimes need to actually be told by someone our faults to be jolted into change. This has really helped me in welcoming some criticism into my life when it comes along. Analyzing personal criticism that has come my way has also taught me to ask or tell myself the following:
- how can I truly benefit from this
- rather than totally rejecting criticism, considering how even the smallest sliver in my conduct, actions, etc. could give that perception
- consider the source
- avoid being defensive and offensive
I didn’t start off this post with this ending in mind but here’s your chance people:
What three things could I most improve on? Please don’t give me any sappy compliments or avoid giving any criticism (or helpful hints, suggestions, or any number of synonyms you’d prefer). I can take it. Morever I would appreciate it.
