I have frequented several amazing adoption blogs over the years. I always admired the courage and strength it must have taken those awaiting parents until their precious child was finally in their arms for good. Now I am experiencing this first hand, and I must admit how much more I admire all those who do this, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced bar none. To know our daughter and spend time with her, but also have to say goodbye to her and hand her back to her foster family so often, well it sucks! (there is no pretty way of saying it)

I can’t describe the joy I feel when she is with us, it’s like our family is complete and safe and together. And just as I start to relax into the beauty of having my children all around, well time is up and we’re saying goodbye again. I don’t know how many more goodbyes I have in me, it just kills me to continuously walk away when all I want is to scoop her up and have her home with us forever. I worry that Little Miss will begin to see us as inconsistent, with the comings and goings, and no end in sight as yet. I know that she loves us, but I don’t want to feel like a glorified babysitter who drops in and out of eyesight. I want to be Mommy, who she can count on and who will be her safe haven. (I’m crying as I write this tonight).

I guess I never realized how tough this would be, but now I know. I can only imagine the immense joy we will feel when the judge finally says “yes, she’s yours!”. I am holding that image in my mind because all the waiting and little communication from case workers is unbearable.

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, sent emails, called, consoled and prayed for us. I’m in your debt, your encouragement gives me strength each day and hope that soon we’ll get the call that will change our world.