Lola and I will be embarking on a new adventure as I introduce more and more beverages and foods into her diet. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to start the weaning process with her and cut down on her nursing time gradually. This is a bittersweet moment in time for me, Lola is now almost 15 months old and I have nursed her for her entire lifetime. Nursing her has been such a blessing in my life, it’s taught me many things about motherhood and myself, I have loved the closeness and bond that developed so beautifully through this natural process. I also loved seeing her grow over the past 15 months knowing that I was providing her with whatever she needed to thrive, she’s beautiful and I’m so honored to be her mother.
I wasn’t able to nurse my first two children, my milk production and stress levels at the time caused me to bottle feed after they reached a few months of age. With determination, I have nursed the subsequent three children and have never regretted it, in fact I’ve relished the times when I was able to bring comfort to them through nursing. Now Lola is our last baby, so coming to the end of a long breastfeeding career is sad for me. I however do want her to learn that I’m here to comfort and care for her in many other ways, and always will be. I’m sure it will be most difficult for me to let go of this exclusive club Lola and I have had going, part of me is worried that she will feel abandoned by me and that’s why I am going to do this gradually over time.
Some of the most vivid pictures of my babies burned into my heart forever are times when I have been nursing them, and they look up smiling at my face as little dribbles of milk drip down their chin. Caring for another as their main source of food and comfort is the most beautiful and precious gift, I am so thankful for this chapter in my life. Now that Lola is non-stop motion I’m pushed to keep up with her pace, she is unstoppable and so I must be. I would love to stay enwrapped in her babyhood forever, I’m not quite ready to think of her as a toddler, she’s still my baby. She’ll always be my baby.
Not gonna lie, this post made me sob like a baby. I so badly wanted to nurse Greta. I’m terribly envious of anyone who has had a successful breastfeeding experience, but unfortunately determination wasn’t enough to make it happen. Don’t feel any rush to wean Lola. Enjoy it.
Awww Katie, I’m sorry that my post made you cry. You are a wonderful mother and I know that you wanted to nurse Greta so badly, and tried SO hard to make it happen. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to have it not go your way too – it’s painful. My heart is with you. I’ve had both the anguish and feeling of failure that came when I realized I would be bottle feeding two of my children. You’re not alone. But don’t allow yourself to believe that you are any less of a mother, it’s simply NOT true. You’re wonderful and your daughters are lucky to have you. With Love…D.
A tender and moving entry, Daria. Beautifully written as well. Especially the imagery of “some of the most vivid pictures…” Brought back treasured memories of my own babies long ago. You have had a precious experience, and it is wonderful of you to share these stages of your mothering.
It IS hard to believe that Lola is already 15 months, though! She is so smart and quick that I guess the evidence is right there in front of us, but I have to admit that she still feels very much a baby to me, too. I love that you are savouring each moment and stage of her little life- she is such a blessing, and so lucky to have you for her Mommy.
Katie, as a witness to your efforts to nurse Greta, it was heartening to observe the sheer will and determination you had to breast feed Greta, at any cost. Your unwavering commitment and courage to forge on touched my heart and made me ache for your struggle. The loss and grief at having to relinquish that plan and dream and the equally brutal task of having to make the decision to move to formula- also in your sweet baby’s best interests- was a wrenching and heartbreaking thing to see, and I will respect you forever for your love and devotion both in your earnest desire and efforts to nurse, and for your wisdom and grace in accepting, however painfully, that for your circumstance, the bottle is best. Having had to quit nursing abruptly and switch to the bottle myself, I can promise you that Greta will snuggle up in her own way as you tuck her in close and meet her needs for nutrition and love, I guarantee that you too will get your own version of sweet little mother-love smiles.
I honour you both today.
To me, the beauty of motherhood is that there is joy to be found in every portion of it.
I marvel at the blessing that formats like this blog provide for today’s young mothers. The openness and vulnerability is something that I cannot imagine having put out there when I was a young mother- it feels a little scary to me at times – but over and over I see that it affords this generation the opportunity to share your experiences, compare notes, and most wonderfully to feel the joys and sorrows of your journey as mothers, to see the world through one another’s eyes and experiences and to offer love and support for one another in whatever path each is on .
Reading this today has left my heart full, and tears flowing. It is wonderful to feel the sisterhood between you. Thank you both for sharing.
There is something about that last time nursing that is bittersweet. Just make sure you’re ready for it when you do it. I nursed Felix longer then he needed it, but I just wasn’t ready to let go!