Time to Plan Holidays

Nathan and I are feeling the rush to plan our holidays with the kids this year. We had the most amazing experience last summer traveling to Palm Desert and also spending time at Disneyland and Newport Beach. Our kids ask me daily when we can go back there again. Their favorite thing was the pool at our hotel, it was just amazing and exclusively theirs most of the time. If you’re faint of heart, I don’t recommend going to the desert in August like we did – it was sweltering hot! But slap on the sunscreen, grab a hat, and tote TONS of water and you’re ready to play.

I must say that making those memories with my kids has been one of the greatest highlights for me over the past several years. In all honesty, it was our first BIG trip anywhere with the kids. Our typical holidays are usually spent at family’s homes and reunions. So going somewhere just us, on a plane was a real adventure and treat. No matter what you do, it’s magical to get away with your children and get to know them in a whole new way, and it’s fun for them to see Mom and Dad unhook and party it up with them too.

I’m so looking forward to a fun summer with our four boys + our new little girl! Now that’s going to be an adventure just traveling with them all! LOL!

** So tell me, what are YOUR plans this summer? Are you going somewhere special or are you adventuring in your own home town? I’d love to know!

So Good News

Things are still moving along! Yay!! Little Miss’s Case Worker came down last night for a visit. He poked around our house for about 5 minutes, then we took off for dinner to discuss how the next few weeks will go.

We still have a Home Assessment lady coming to do a full report on our house, and meet with us. He thought we should hear from her ASAP. She’s the key to a more definite “Gotcha Date”. So now I am praying that she will call and we can get those reports rolling fast, we could be in court before you know it. I’m looking at her pictures tonight and crying, I just miss her so much. It’s so hard to wait for the weekends to get away and go visit her. I feel like I’m climbing the walls tonight, I just want to be there to read her a story, and do some fun boogie down moves with our little dancing girl. She LOVES to dance, once she’s home I’ll have to post a little video of her crazy awesome moves!

The boys are asking me 20 times a day when their sister is coming home. We’re all antsy and wishing it was right now. Seriously, if she’s not home soon I may get an ulcer. LOL!!

Big Day Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a huge day for us in the adoption process!! Little Miss’s case worker is coming down to visit, check out our home and meet to discuss how the final weeks will go down. I’m soooo excited and nervous too. It’s at this point where you start to panic, hoping that nothing will go wrong. Thankfully things are looking fantastic and we truly feel God’s hand in this entire situation and process over the past months.

We’re so close baby girl, can’t wait to tuck you in at night in your new bed at our house! Here’s a picture of our Little Miss with her Daddy – aren’t they adorable together??!!

I can't help noticing

I just can’t help noticing that I would have been 17 weeks +5 days pregnant today if all had gone well. I’ve had so many people ask me how I’m doing since the miscarriage and just haven’t felt ready or able to answer alot of questions. To be honest, I still have hard moments where I feel more tender and vulnerable.

I was mentioning to my friend Cheryl last week that one of the greatest pains of a miscarriage is realizing that life goes on for everyone around you. You just can’t get away from it, life keeps moving for everyone and you’ve got to keep rolling along too. So though I have MUCH to be thankful for, I still have sensitive moments where I quietly grieve the loss of what might have been. I also have the reminder each day as two of my sweet sister-in-laws are expecting little bundles within the same month I would have been due. It’s an interesting position to be in, I’m happy for them and I love hearing all they are going through. I love being included in their moments. But that is also the hard part for me realizing that instead of feeling the 100% joy for them, it’s intermingled with complicated thoughts for myself as well. This is hard for me to accept as all I want is to feel the pure uncomplicated and untouched joy for them and all they are experiencing. I’m all about love, it’s just in me to love all the way. So when I have any sad thoughts for myself in those times, it throws me for a loop. It just feels unnatural to think about my loss.

Why am I blogging it out there for the world to see? Well perhaps I need a touch of tenderness tonight from those around me. But mostly I know that there are so many women who experience this pain and I think it helps to hear that what you are feeling is normal. At least I hope that what I’m feeling is a normal part of the process. I won’t be posting much more on this in the future, it just hit me at a tender time and I felt compelled to write it down because bottom line, I loved the baby I will never hold, and I just want it on record somewhere that it really happened. That way I can keep rolling along as I’m needing to, knowing that I would have cherished the experience of raising our sweet little child. But also that I’ll never forget this experience which has brought me some moments, people, strength and peace at different times, that I needed. And even though I wish I didn’t have to go through it, somehow I’m grateful still for the lessons I’ve learned and the love I have felt from God and all around me. That I am grateful for, not the loss but for the filling up in other ways.

Our Saturday Date

On Saturday I had the joy of spending time with Little Miss all on my own. I picked her up and she was happy to see me, but not quite herself. About 15 minutes later she looks at me with a HUGE grin and says “Hi Mum Hi” in the sweetest voice. I then realized she had been a bit ticked at me that I had been away from her all week – payback from a baby is profound!!

I dolled my dolly girl up and took her to Let’s Play, a huge indoor gymnasium with loads of tunnels, slides and fun stuff to climb on. I don’t think she had ever been to it before because her eyes were huge and full of wonder as we walked in. Thankfully it wasn’t too packed (or too dirty, we still scrubbed down our hands before leaving). The slide was her favorite thing, its a long steep slide with little tumblers all the way down. It makes you go superfly fast, and after 30 trips down it my butt was numb!! LOL!! She only rode on my lap down it once, then she was totally fearless about zooming down next to me instead. The velocity of her sliding was enough to throw her right back onto her back each time. I marveled that she wanted to keep going, she couldn’t force her little body to stay in a sitting position. But our smiley punkin was in playland heaven. I swear she could have played all day, but I made her stop for a drink of juice. I’ve never seen a child gulp it down like that, she was so thirsty that I think she forgave me for pulling her away from the fun stuff.

After we were all tuckered out (ie: ME) I was going to take her back to the house for an afternoon nap. But my spontaneous side kicked in and I decided that since my babygirl loved music so much I would take her to see High School Musical at the theatre!! I figured that we might only get about 15 mins in before we’d have to go, but again she surprised me and was utterly GLUED to the screen for the ENTIRE movie! She would bop along to the music, and then turn back to me and give me the biggest cheesy grin you’ve ever seen. I could tell she was loving it!

The whole day she wouldn’t let go of me. She would brush her hand on my face, give me kisses, overload me with sweet flirty eyelashes, and snuggle with me whenever she could. When I went to drop her off back at her foster parents home, she decided that she was NOT letting me leave. She threw an absolute tantrum when her foster mom tried to take her from my arms. I mean, screaming – crying – kicking and clawing into my jacket to hold on for dear life. Needless to say it was really hard on me, and her foster mom too (she’s wonderful and I’m sure that was agony for her to have Little Miss show a preference for someone else). “It’s a good thing” she was saying, but I figured she was more saying it out loud to herself in order to handle what was happening. I finally decided that we needed to distract her, so we took her out to see the snow and that helped. It just about killed me to drive away, thankfully I know she’s in the great hands and well loved. Loads of fun times together to come!!

Nie Nie is Back!!! and blogging

Prayers have been answered!! Influential and inspiring mommy blogger Stephanie Nielson (”Nie Nie” as she is known to her vast audience of blog fans) and her husband Christian were in a terrible plane crash on August 16th. Since then, word has spread across the globe, with heartfelt messages, events and donations pouring in for the family. Now for the good news…Nie Nie is BACK and blogging!!

We love you Nie, welcome back! XOXO

Go give Nie Nie some blog lovin’ >>

It's Gymbucks time!!

I’m looking out for all of my friends, you don’t want to miss out on redeeming your hard earned Gymbucks at Gymboree. Redemption starts today – I’ve already redeemed my online ones this morning and boy was it fun!!

We Canadians have a different redemption structure than in the US. We have to use ours in-store and only in Canada. Thankfully I ordered some things online before Christmas and was able to use those online ones this morning, since I’m far from a Gymbo store. Whew!!

Now if I can just make it up to Calgary this week to use the rest – those Gymbucks wanna go home! LOL

Having Big Brothers

Ahhh yes, to have four doting Big Brothers to tote you around all day must be the sweetest realization! Little Miss was treated to the royal treatment by Joshua, who is totally loving having a little sister. I am constantly being asked by the boys “When will “our sister” be coming home forever?”

These weekend visits are wonderful, but heart-wrenching when we have to leave her behind. Thankfully THIS is the look I have to look forward to all week, when she finally sees us! She makes it very clear that she loves us, and we reciprocate of course!

Can I have a moment?

Ok, I am really needing a moment here. I have no idea how so many people have gotten through the waiting process of adoption, its hard! I am just aching tonight to be with our little baby girl, I miss her terribly and was spoiled by so many days over the holiday of seeing her regularly. Its now been since Saturday night and I am restraining myself from jumping in the car right now to get up there. I am so ticked that I didn:t take more pictures of her over Christmas too, I was so in the moment that I did not realize how much I would want to see her face now that I am back home. I am kicking myself now, I have NO pictures of her and I together at Christmas. Gulp, so sad. Anyone in my family, I invite you to go and see her tomorrow, take oodles of pictures and email this poor little mama… additionally if you took any pics of her on Christmas PLEASE send them on to me, I really need them right now.

On a sweet note, it seems that I am not the only one who is missing somebody. Our little girl has been spending lots of time in front of the window watching for us over the past few days. Her foster parents said that she jumps whenever the phone rings and says ME ME!!! thinking that it is us calling her! MELT MY HEART!!

And one more cute story – she was eating breakfast this morning and made a huge fuss about having the picture book of our family at the table with her. When her foster mom turned around our little doll was feeding the picture of Nathan and I with her spoon!! I guess she wanted us to join her for Breakfast. Sweet Little Miss – I am feeling the love!