On Saturday I drove up alone to spend the day with a little 17 month old girl. The amazing thing is that we’re now working on making her part of our family! Nathan and I have been drawn to, and I would definitely say inspired to pursue this, and though I have many fears about adoption and how it will all work out I am elated and full of anticipation at the thought of finally having a daughter. We have some things to sort through before we know if they will approve us, so I’m trying to hold my heart in check (it’s not working too well). In the meantime my heart has been swept away by a little doll with curly dark ringlets, big brown eyes, tan skin and sweet kissy lips.

I spent the first little while letting her warm to me. I bought her a soft little lamb which she was thrilled to receive and promptly placed a big smooch on. We played in the yard and she had me assist in picking every tiny dandelion on the back lawn. Then into her swing while she smiled at the clouds, birds and pointed out planes overhead. Once it was evident that she felt comfortable with me I got the opportunity to take her to a nearby park. It was so fun to prance around and chase this little darling. I had brought her a tutu for the occasion and I can’t tell you how precious she looked with that big puffy tutu in the swings. Then the most amazing things happened, she would walk a few steps from me then run quickly back and throw her arms around my legs. When I scooped her up she nuzzled right into my neck and held me close, so natural and sweet. Apparently she does not warm up to anyone in this way so that made me feel an extra jolt of instant love of course. On the way back in the stroller she greeted person who walked by and said “HI!!”, what a happy baby girl she is. Once back at the place she is living I was even able to help tuck her in for a nap, it took mere moments for her to fall asleep face down in her crib with her knees bent under her and little butt in the air – hilarious!

We talked to the boys about her this weekend, and that there was a sweet little girl who needed a family. Right away Joshua latched on the idea and said “We could be her family!” and when I showed him a picture he welled up with the most tender and sincere tears and said “I want her! Let’s go get her Mom!”. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore my boys? Oh my goodness, I’ll never forget Joshua’s reaction and instant brotherly love for a little girl he had never met yet. It didn’t matter, all he needed to know was that she needed us and he was all in. Joshy I love you for that son.

So right now I’m holding this all very close to my heart and not letting many people know. I guess it just feels like it could all disappear. So I’m saving this entry for a time when I feel a bit more confident in posting it for all to see, but as I silently save this post as a draft I am grinning and thinking that soon I could have 5 children, a girls nursery to decorate, dresses to buy and sew, and a new little sweetie to love. What a dream come true!