It seems like it’s always late at night that I find myself unable to sleep, wanting to start blogging again. I think that it afforded me the opportunity to reflect and appreciate the things in my life. It also was a source of my own personal comic relief as I watch my children growing and changing each day. Noah my baby just turned one on Friday and it’s amazing how that fact has affected me. I remember when he was so tiny and helpless as an infant. Now he’s taking steps, saying Hi, No, Mum, Dadee, and doing these cute little ooohhhh lips at me all of the time. I’m so lucky to have a baby boy that is just pure delight. Honestly the kid is just sunshine personified. Noah’s entrance into the world was a tough one and we were blessed beyond measure to have him. (Feel welcome to look back at the Noah posts for last November/December).
I have so many friends (and family members) that are pregnant right now. It’s an epidemic that I can’t understand half the time and yet long to be a part of in lapses of insanity. I have four little boys who fill my life not only with joy but also with lots and lots of activity. I don’t know what the heck I would do with another baby, surely the child would be neglected. I keep telling myself that it’s not in the cards for me for a long time, indefinite, never again, (or until next year) L! But seriously, I’m sure that I’m coming down with the famous diesese of the biological clock. I definitely have baby on the brain (or whatever brain is left from the post pregnancy brain I already have). It’s also interesting how sensitive I am about anyone’s opinion on the topic. If anyone says that I should hold off, not even think about another pregnancy I am immediately defensive. Hey who are you to tell me what to do?! LOL! Well they’re probably the same people that saw me suffer through my last few pregnancies on the verge of death and want to save me from hospitalization and 9 months of vomiting. THANK YOU dear people!! 
But you can’t blame a girl for wanting to cuddle up one of those precious little bundles again, I feel like there is someone missing in our family and so with logic on one side and total wreckless abandon in the other we’ll see who wins out.
It’s almost Christmas time, I have nothing in order, no presents, no plans yet, and I’m really upset about it. Maja where are you? I need your brilliant organized and totally radical self to whip me into a Christmas organization frenzy. For those that used to read my blog way way back, I attempted to change my life. I got pumped and totally enthused about becoming the Queen of Order. Well a few months later that dream was replaced by wanting to be the Queen of Podcasting! LOL! I’m frustrated that with everything that rolls around in my brain on a daily basis that I can’t focus on more than one goal at a time. One month it’s order the next it’s chaos. I’m constantly fighting myself to get anywhere and not liking myself in the process. I remember when I was in this great motivational place, I was winning the war against the dreaded messy house, I felt powerful and free. Writing about it gets me pumped again because I liked that about me, I liked that I was so into order that there wasn’t room to stray from it. I want that again, for my kids and my husband and myself. A home of order is a home for me! That’s the goal again, I’m scared to write it, I don’t want everyone to hold me to it (and yet I do too). Can you tell I’m a Libra? Everything I say is in a constant state of trying to balance. I’m cracking myself up!
Well it’s 4:00am and I hoped that by getting some thoughts and feelings out of me I’d actually be able to sleep. I’ve never experinced so much insomnia as I have of late. Menopause??? ROTFL!!! NOT!! Loves to all, thanks for hanging in there with me.
Hey Dee
I miss reading your blog as mich as you miss writing it. You are doing a great job on Boutique Cafe you should be proud! When you get the urge to have another baby stop and think of the Boutique as your new born that needs to be nutured and held in its infant stages. That or get a puppy! hehehe. I love you lots and truly miss you and every one in your family. Kiss each cute boy for me! Have a good day!
Jen
Hey Dee,
I truly miss your blog as well…it is so nice to hear from you. Can’t wait to see you…only 40 days till my big day. Say hi to Nathan for me
Take care
Merv
Hey Dare Bear, So glad to see you back in ‘action’ in the blog world.. i know i am not one to speak on this topic. However I can relate on my level of crazy town..with your level of crazy town. I am in a very similar spot. Its frustrating and comfy all at the same time. I want to change and move on and be better I also know its a ton of work.. and we all know i shy away from that! Its nice to hear your thoughts straight up. I like not being the only one battling my flaws.
I am so glad you have so many cute boys. It is true that Noah is charming i really cant believe that long haired little boy is 1 year allready! Guess that means freyja cant still be 1 year too.. I can totally understand the prego cravings for a little bundle…thats how i got in the spot i am in 
I say cant wait to see what pans out for you guys. Well heres to us and our goals and starting Christmas before its over!
nicole
Good to have you back- there’s a realness to blogging that I really enjoy- it a little more raw and uncensored and cuts to the heart of the matter- probably why I don’t do it- I admire you so much for puttingyour feelings out there, but am a complete chicken myself.
Sweet Noah! Wasn’t it yesterday we were waiting out turn to hold him in the NICU ? Scary days those were. Now he’s our little Elvis with his swoop of curl , his daddy’s famous quirked eyebrow and those wonderful chopper cheeks. I’m so glad he’s in our lives!
Another baby? Well, when and if, you will know, Daria. You are a smart cookie, and the spirit will guide you. And you know you have my support, no matter what, whichever way you go.
The house and organization- can we talk? Seriously, you’d think I’d borned ya, (At least if that were the case, you could blame the gene pool ! ) we are so similar on that front !
I’ve battled this battle for decades, and the thing to know is not to get caught up in the failures and the times you slide backward. I have , FOREVER, felt that i must be stupid or lazy or crazy that I could not seem to get it together in this area of my life. But that wasn’t helpful. The trick is to focus on your successes at the end of the day- however small – and if nothing else, shine the damn sink , it really does make a difference. I promise that each time you refuse to blame and attack yourself with criticism, and instead look at the positive accomplishments of the day (keeping Joshy and Brigs alive counts, by the way ), gradually, they will build on themselves.
The hard part of this stuff is that it is simple. Ya, you read that right. Ifyou are like me, you don’t go for simple. I want a PLAN, the bigger the better, the more complicated, the more I am drawn to it- no wonder failure soon results. But simple teensy little baby steps ? We dismiss them with ” Nah, its not enough, How can you get anywhere by just shining your stupid sink ? ”
But you can. You know me, Kiddo- up close and personal, and you know how good AND how bad it can be with me . But I finally trusted the baby steps, and they are working. Best of all, I have slowly changed, bit by teensy bit.
When Maja came this last time, her and Jim were putting together Ikea systems like they were going out of style, and they kept asking me ‘what do you think” and I was such a killjoy necasue all I could think is ‘what if I can’t keep this up? ” and I was worrying about the pressure, too, to be better, or perfect or whatever. But when that waas actually expressed, Maja said, in the inimitable cheerleader Maja way, “That was before! You will move forward now, and it will be great! ” but the answer that came from Jim was the one that grabbed my heartstrings. He has watche d me struggle and try and succeed ad then fail so many times that is is unbelievable, but his response was “Honey, this is different. YOU are different. You have truly changed, our home is different, you are Already doing it! ” To hear his perspective was like lifting a curtain, and I realised that he was right, I HAVE changed ! Its Maja, its work, its baby steps, its a lot of things, but, it is happening, and I know that it can for you too. I hope that you will lean on me as you try, Daria. And Nicole, too. If there is anything I could want for you both it is that you not spend the next 20 years- like I did- stuck in the same place and feeling overwhelmed and unable to dig out. Or working my head off, but seemingly getting nowhere.
I can promise you that you both have all it takes, and more. And I’ll help you anyway I can.
WELL! so much for not putting my stuff out there! Hope the perspective of an oldster helps. I Love YOu!
I had a couple of extra minutes here at work and decided to check your blog…to my amazement there you were! I was so excited to read your deepest thoughts and feelings – how can we be so far away from each other? I wanted to be there, to just sit and talk – just the two of us without any interruption. I wanted to tell you about all my hopes, wishes, frustrations and desires too! I wanted to let you know that you’re an incredible person, always full of ‘life’ and lots of love for everyone. How you do what you do every single day is amazing. Four young boys, and a very busy husband – and yet you keep on keepin’ on with your ‘go-forward’ attitude and bubbly personality!
You have the right stuff built into you kiddo and between the two sets of genes you have quite a bit of “grit” to help you through!! Yeah for the Scots, the Irish and the English!! ha,ha…
I wish you could come see my spare room right now…(I promise it would make you feel better) – no, not just the closet, but under the desk, on the dresser, under the bed, wherever there’s a spot, there’s ’stuff’. That’s my “sanity room”…that’s where I put everything for the moment that I don’t know what to do with!! (I call it my sanity room because no one can see it and I don’t have to carry the guilt of not putting it away)! Well, I’ve been doing that for a LONG time now and it’s a hoot. As I’m sitting here thinking about it I’ve got a smile on my face – it’s either that or I’d feel stressed….Much better to laugh!! Anyway, we all have our little quirks and such going on in our life. Not to worry – as my dear sister in law always says to me “there’s a time and place for everything”. I hang onto that. You hang onto that okay!
Now to the topic of babies. How we love those babies…darling, darling little Noah! How blessed to have him in our lives! Isn’t it wonderful that love multiplies! So much room for more lovin’!
Love you lots honey. You’re A KEEPER!! XX00